Script for Culture Shock: Assimilate, Separate, or Integrate

Hello, my name is Pamela. Culture shock, have you ever experienced it? I sure have. I am an American married to a Frenchman. My cultural journey started seven years ago upon meeting my husband. In 2008 I moved to a small French village. In the beginning I did not truly feel the geographic culture shock because I was busy with “first time parent shock.” Staying at home with my newborn aided me in separation from my host culture. Next, I spent three years in Belgium with its three national languages and culturally different regions. These years proved to be more shocking. I contended with more language barriers. I encountered new and different on a regular basis. I missed foods and other everyday items. I missed my Alabama home, family, and friends. I also had my second child. I sought culture shock relief through expensive imported American foods and spending time with America or at least English speaking persons. I still separated, but was willing to partake in culture. Now I have been back in France for roughly a year and a half. Sure, I still miss things about life in Alabama: I miss my native English speaking family and friends; I miss church worship in English; I miss small things like ranch dressing and Tootsie Rolls (care packages from home a great); I miss parking that is easy to come by and free; and I miss stores being open 24/7. Yet, I have adapted, I have integrated, and I have made the choice to replace things when possible or better yet simply move on and accept the change. There are French equivalents or alternatives to most things. Really, though, for a lot of things I have merely forgotten I even missed them. Allow me to share. At first milk was a major shock for me. In France it is homogenized and comes in different fat levels as in the states, but French milk is UHT or sterilized at ultra-high-temperatures. This process kills more germs and allows a liter of milk to sit on a shelf in my garage unrefrigerated until opened, unrefrigerated! Strange, right? The taste was totally bizarre to me, but with time my taste buds changed. Other shocks for me include: des bises greetings, the strong taste of French cheese, comic books resembling porn available at my local grocery store, and everyone having a name day or une fête. I still have to mark my calendar to remember my husband’s day. All of this and more may still seem strange to me, but I have grown accustomed. French and Americans are different, c’est tout! Finally, I am a mother of bilingual children with dual citizenship. With that said, I want my daughters to partake in American culture as well as French. This is challenging if not impossible because well, we are in fact in France. For instance, Americans have the Easter Bunny while the French are visited by Les Cloches de Pâques, or Easter Bells. My daughters know both and expect them both. Americans celebrate Thanksgiving which is non-existent in France and the French have a yummy holiday solely for consuming crêpes known as La Chandeleur. At Thanksgiving I prepare as traditional meal as possible and for Crêpe Day I have learned the art of making crêpes. These are only a few examples. There are plenty of ways I have run into and I continue to run into shock when it comes to culture differences. So, what do you do? Do you assimilate, completely replacing your native culture with a different one? Do you separate yourself and maintain your own culture in a community of liked mined others? Or do you integrate, finding the balance between partaking in the host culture while also maintaining a sense of your native culture? To the best of my abilities along with time I have embraced the differences and have integrated. Let’s say I am Frenchish American now. It is difficult, frustrating, and exciting all at the same time. Regardless, in my opinion it is all about choice and attitude. If you remain positive and welcome change, culture shock can be rewarding and pass quickly. Reminding yourself that the shock you feel is merely the effect of being faced with the new, the different, or the unknown will help you roll with the punches. On the other hand if you are unwillingly to try different or new and you resist the unknown completely there is sure to be difficult long lastly “shock.” Thank you. Aurevoir et a bientout!